Soap is not a condiment
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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