Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
