dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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