i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
