You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
