Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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