your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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