found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
