My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize