the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
