She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
pray to the hookup gods
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
