so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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