We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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