I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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