lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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