tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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