You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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