Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
