I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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