Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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