i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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