Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
