Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
