i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
