So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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