also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
