Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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