Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
