Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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