you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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