Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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