How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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