I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
