He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
