ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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