No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
