I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
