Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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