Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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