i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
