Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
