Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
