He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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