do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
