i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
