well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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