i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
