Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
