we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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