this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Please don't give away my fajitas
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize