it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
