I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
