he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize