I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Terrible idea I love it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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