life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
