Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
