And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
