I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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