Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
